Confessions of the heart from Boston

The first time I heard the song Boston by Augustana was on those days when I got my heart really broken. From then on, I made Boston a metaphor for some place I can think things over, place where I can be alone and be myself, a place where I can start a new beginning. I guess I fell in love with the piano at first, then I watched One Tree Hill videos from YouTube which was one of the soundtrack in a Brucas scene and I finally fell in love with the song. It’s been a favorite since then. So if ever I put on my Twitter or Facebook status that I’m missing Boston, I might be lonely or I just wanted to be alone which basically means I need a hug or I just wanted some space so I can start things over. That explains why Boston.

Anyhow, this is the first public article on my love story. Not that I had many. Since its almost Valentine’s day it would be appropriate to make an entry about love. And I think it would be really great to start it with mine.

I think I’ve been in love twice. Once in high school and another one after college. By being in love meaning, I tend to give most of my time for them. I love them more than I love myself which I only realized after a the second heartbreak that its not a good habit. I learned that in order to love others, I should love myself equally as well. Today I will tell the story of the love after college.

It was the year 2007. (Parang si Ted Mosby lang, nagkwento ng How I met your mother) It was a not so great time for me. I graduated, spent the summer reviewing for the Nursing Licensure Exam on June that year, after the exam I had the most anxious month in my life—> waiting for the board exam results, then it was late August and I learned from my relatives in Pasig, (I was in Ilocos that time), England and America that I passed. Yes, they were the first ones who knew and told me I passed. It was also that time that I was taking care of my grandmother who was sick of terminal cancer, I was a nurse and Nana was so proud about it. It was perfect the only thing missing is a love life. Then came love life. (I even forgot how it started. It was so 2007.lol)

At dahil nahihirapan na akong mag-English, ita-Tagalog ko na lang.

It was September 2007 (nalimutan ko na ang exact date dahil 2007 pa yun) nung nakareceive ako ng text galing sa taong di ko kilala. Akala ko nun pinagtitripan lang ako ng barkada ko si Michael, pero ibang Michael pala. It was unexpected. Unexpected meaning sa dinami-dami ng taong magte-text sa ‘yo ang kaaway mo pa sa basketball/pep squad/angcolonel mo sa CAT  nung high school. At hindi tayo close kuya, never tayong naging close. Gulat talaga ako (Okay, fine may halong kilig;-)) Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin alam kung kanino niya kinuha ang number ko pero most probably sa barkada niya na friend ko rin si Vhon. That was also the time when I had to go back and forth from Manila to Ilocos so the first date was after a month I think and it was in the cemetery where I visited my best friend’s grave. Yes he went with me in the cemetery. The weather was freaking hot, the date was awkward and weird.

Like many other relationships the first three months are probably the best the sweetest and the most memorable. Then came the fourth month. In January 2008 I had an offer to work in a Catholic hospital. The most stressful event after the receiving my license. Of course I got over Nanay’s death immediately in October and after that I had the opportunity to apply to all the hospitals I wanted. Luckily I was an alumni of this Catholic hish school so I did get recommendation from that school in order to get into this Catholic hospital which pissed  me to my nerves later not because of the nature of work but because of the people in it. I was having a hard time adjusting as a trainee to this hospital and Michael also did his best to get a work in Manila. Note that Michael never had work (that’s like two years after college) when we met. And I learned that after our break up, that was the reason of her break up with his girlfriend for 5 or 7 years. So we were both new at work, we were both having a hard time, we were both exhausted at the end of the day and on day offs we’d rather sleep than see each other. Actually we are only a train ride away. Its like a 25 minute train ride and we end up just texting each other. At first I thought that was enough, then I think it over and realized that at least we should see each other every week or every two weeks. So I made efforts to visit him at work or at home even though I’d prefer to sleep because I got tired of being scolded from the day’s duty. Then I got really tired making all the efforts and I can’t see any effort from him. So I decided we should just break up. He begged. And after that everything changed. Yes, he made some efforts. It was okay. But after another three or four months, with same problem (God I don’t fucking remember the exact reason), we finally broke up. Before that I resigned from the hospital, bummed for the next three months. The day we broke up was the day I was on an afternoon duty with my two CEU buddies we were completing cases for our IV license.

What’s interesting is after the break up. I could enumerate a million lies and you’d get bored reading it so I’ll just enumerate the things I still remember.

1. Meron siyang “kabit” the work. Sorry for the word pero from that day on galit talaga ako sa mga babaing alam ng may gf ang lalaki eh lalandi pa.

2. May communication pa sila ni Ate *MY few before we were together and the months when the relationship was rocky. And take note that *MY is the only person na pinagseselosan ko which is hindi pala dapat siya.

3. Inuwi sa Ilocos ang kabit. Eto na yung pinakamalakas na sampal sa mukha ko na to this moment eh tinatawanan ko na lang.

Hindi ko na matandaan yung mga iba, pero marami pa. Small things like, Who’s the hand in this picture? Who’s this girl who keeps on giving out testimonials in Friendster, etc.

So advice to girls and boys out there, you may be called paranoid but if you feel something is wrong you really should talk about it. I felt something was wrong when he started making efforts, I don’t know but its like he’s making up for something pero hinayaan ko lang. i nisip ko na lang umeeffort talaga siya. Nung nakakakita ko ang testimonials or pictures with officemates which I find it really weird ( I dunno but there’s this uneasiness when u see them, hindi naman malaswa) hinayaan ko lang. From that day on, when I felt that something was wrong there is really something wrong. “That was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. It just wasn’t mine. Mine was still out there waiting for me.”-HIYM

Honestly those were the most difficult time in my life. The fact that I knew he had a kabit from work was drastic. Moreover, I learned that from Ate *MY. She was the one who told me who the girl was. I was in denial and angry at the same time. I had sleepless nights, I’d call my bestfriends and we’d go on pig outs and once on a drinking spree. Thanks to my boss who took me home.haha Salamat Sir Baron, namimiss ko ang mga hirit mo.haha I had bulimia. I’d only eat wheat bread, apples and milk then I’d sleep again. Or I’d spend the whole day surfing the net, listening to the music or the sound of rain outside. Then my favorite cousins would invite me for pasta or a movie. I got through it, and I was proud of it. Until one day…one fucking day I wished it never happened, we met again.

And since this post is too long, and I have to review for my ACLS, I’ll confess more about it when I have time. That day is even more interesting. War itow! WAR!!! charot!

On the other hand, I spent my Valentine’s day crying in the lift while transferring my patient. I was sooo0o tired because he was calling and asking unnecessary things for the whole shift, I always get to him, give him what he wants I even had more time with him than my other patient at the end of the day, he told his daughter I’ve never done anything. To hell with you. Hanap ka ng nurse na may mas mahabang pasensya kesa sa akin, ibibigay ko pa sweldo ko sa kanya. Worst people ever are the ones who can’t appreciate things you do for them. Thanks to Shane for being there. Kuya, sana nahabol mo ang bus.:D Salamat ng marami.

That was my Valentine’s day. Kumain na lang ako ng marami dahil goodbye party ni Neethu.:D Goodluck Neethu, take care of your baby.:)

PS you know Ted Mosby? If I’m gonna have a boyfriend I want somebody like him. Watch how I met your mother to know why:D

I hope we will find our Ted Mosby one day.:)

Just Me. For Now.

Katt

Pic from fyeahtedmosby.tumlbr.com

*changed for privacy.—>meganun?lolz