When the green pasture begins to wither

The last two quarters of this year may have been one of the busiest days of my life aside from the months after graduation that we had to prepare for the nursing licensure exam. September was the mock survey month for our hospital’s accreditation. I was busy making reports and action plans with my partner. I was busy completing our evidence binder which later pissed me off because it wasn’t really needed for the mock survey. I spent twelve straight days in order to finish up almost everything before the surveyors come. October was a bit lax though, still with numerous meetings wherein most of the team members will just argue but clinical duties have been exhausting. It was the first time this year that our accommodation rate raised to 85%. November was even more busy because my partner went home to India and didn’t come back. The workload was all mine though I have a new staff with me, I still had to orient him on what to do. Then came December, the worst month ever. After the Hajj holiday, I’ve never had a good night sleep. Yes, I had days when I sleep more than 8 hours but it seems not enough. I am really stressed. Four of our staff are on vacation and my admin days when I’m supposed to be finalizing my reports, completing my evidence binder, following up my memos turned to almost two weeks of literally toxic duty. Patients have been in and out of the ICU. It was good that the ICU is full and there are no pull outs, but it gets really exhausting after a days work. Deadlines are killing me. I’m physically and mentally tired and what’s even more is that I heard from my nurse manager that the last meeting we had with the team turned out to be not so good according to the department head. He wanted to talk about something else aside from the protocols I made. He doesn’t want to talk about the policies and protocols and bad thing is he didn’t tell me. As a team leader, he should be making the agenda though. I took it seriously. I was hurt because I think he doesn’t appreciate what I do. Then it came to a point where I lost interest in finalizing my action plans. One thing I really hate is when people don’t appreciate what you work hard for. Where else can he find a team who finished action plans in a week? Who makes policies and protocols in two days? Who does all the performance improvement reports when the nurse manager should be doing it? I’ve spent almost a year working my ass off for the team and I haven’t heard a “Thank You” from him. It was just frustrating. So when the vacation plan was sent for us to fill up, I never thought twice and put EXIT under my name. Not because I heard rumors that the salary scale for nurses is not implemented anymore. It was more of “I can’t work for a company who treats their employees just as mere employees.” I remember a conversation with Mr. Hussein Hatata, the Vice President of Al Khosama Hotels, when he told us that the employees is what makes your company, you should treasure them. I never felt that way especially the day when I heard that comment from our department head. The least he could do is say thanks for making a competency checklist for physicians (which is not even in our job description). I think they will stand by their culture that women are inferior. And we can never be bosses. 

“So what would you do if you don’t have a work back in the Philippines?” Jethro asked me. I might change career, who knows? I’ve spent two years in Saudi just to please my parents and to at least repay their hard work for me back in college. I’d love to work where there is freedom and where I can express my opinions. I won’t stay here also just because my friends are still staying. I guess if someone will ask me again the same question, I’d say, “I’d love to travel, eat food, take pictures and write about it.” Now that would be an awesome job!

Or maybe I just miss working here.

ImageOr working with them.

PKDF familyImageImageImage

 Sabi nga ni Tere, “Kelangan mo lang ng break.” Siguro nga. 

Just Me. For Now.